Steve's Soulshop

I had been sick since past 3 days and I never been so sick for such a long time. I been feeling dizzy for most of the time; feeling hungry but just won't have the appetite to eat; feeling tired but just won't able to fall asleep. Maybe the cause of all this sickness is due the feeling of emptyness after the orientation, knowing that all of the moments can only live in my memories and my heart.

I was very down and sad because I can't join my friends for internship at June, hated myself because I screwed up my life. However, when 1 door closes, 1 more door will opens. I get to join orientation for the last time in my university life and I decided to go for it. At first, I was quite reluctant to join because some of my closest friends are not joining due to internship, but I told myself, "What the heck, just join for the last time, or I will regret for the rest of my life for giving up this opportunity." So there it goes, the beginning of the most wonderful 2 weeks of 2009 after being a rubbish for the past 6 months.

When the binding camp started, I saw a lot of new faces around and only a few of familiar faces that who had been through tears and joys with me, and that fact calmed my heart down, at least I know, I am not alone. I can't join most of the module of the game, because most of the time I have to help out with the module, and only God knows how much I want to be among them, go through the modules with my groupmates. But life is truly about give and take, I had those fun before and I guess it my responsibilty to make sure the new OCS to feel the fun too. Yet, I still wish I can join them, LOL =)

Till one night, some incident that happened reminded me why I want to join the orientation again, it's my PASSION for heaven sake. I just couldn't take it when people do not appreciate the meaning of becoming an OC. I was rage, I was mad, and I stood up and said what I feel, tears was in my eyes and the passion is burning in my heart. Chee Wei was there and he did the same, until now, I still can feel the emotions that we shared that night; and yes, the fire is still burning inside me. That night end with the "Those where days", "Permata Dunia", "Fikirkan Boleh", "Butterfly Dance", and "OC Cheers". I can tell you, that night was the one of the most memorable and fun night which shall live in my heart forever, nothing, nothing can ever take away from me.

Through the binding camps, I get to know a lot of friends that from different background and culture. "There is no strangers in this world, there is only friends that haven't meet", this saying is kinda true huh? From the module Journey of Life (Blind Fold), MTV Dance, Simulation, Night Hunt, water pouring session, every bit of them is so memorable and unforgivable and throughout the process, from friends, we become family, like brother, like sister, and everyone of us trying to have fun to the max and we just can't shut the fuck up. =)

Then it came to the OC Installation, which I thought I will be placed in the mobile oc again. I was shocked when I got into the Special Task Division and stunned to know that I became the head of the division too. I have no idea what Special Task do, and I have to lead the team, I was basically stressed out to the max, but thank God to some ex-OCs who give me guidance especially Nicky, Chee Wei, Juin and Alvin.

I can't sleep before the orientation, just to plan what to do tomorrow, and what to say on the stage. For your information, I never never talk infront of 500 people in my entire life and I never imagine I will be given chance to do that. I was so down in the first day, when I don't get the response from the freshies and I felt so horrible, I almost gave up. Chee Wei, Tharan, Hari were there to cheer me up, telling me to try even harder, without their support, I think I can't do this.

During the opening ceremony, the freshies sing so well, they basically blow the mind of the staff who attended the opening ceremony, at that moment, I was so proud, so proud of the freshies. No doubt, they are the best freshies I ever seen. And through out the orientation, everything goes so well, because every single OCs give in their best. From Freshies Song, Permata Dunia, Numa Numa Dance, Chicken Dance, Chicke Cha, Butterfly Dance, Massage Session, Night Hunt, Performance Night, everyone of us, enjoy every bits of them. We sing, we dance, we have great fun.

Till the last day of the orientation, I was so sad knowing that everything gonna be over soon. Knowing that, it will be the last time I can be on the stage, and seeing the freshies do all the great things, I just tell myself, just enjoy every single seconds here as we can't turn back time. When I heard they sing Permata Dunia so passionately, tears dropped from eyes, I am so happy to see their spirit and I am sad because it will be the last time I can see that happened. We had a wonderful sharing session, and we end the orientation with Numa Numa Dance, and that marks the end of the orientation, 2 weeks of sleepless night, 2 weeks of endless joys and tears.

I want to dedicated my highest appreciation to everyone of you, who make it happened, without anyone of you, it won’t be sucessful, without anyone of you, we can’t have the fun the we had, without anyone of you, the joys that this orientation brought will be meaningless, thank you, thank you so much for being there with me. May the passion live in you.

It's a cold and nasty world out there, there's ain't sunshine to brighten you up, there's ain't rainbow to cheer you up. It's so mean that you will got beaten up if you are not strong enough. But, with the passion in our heart, yes, we will get there.

With tons of love,

Steve Muthu

This might look like ordinary road sign board to some of you, but everything I see this sign board, it's like telling me, your life only has one way, there's no turning back.

I really enjoy my life now, even though it's not perfect, even though that I feel down and depressed at most of the time, I always has peers around me to cheer me up. Sometimes, getting over something that is so significant in your life is not easy, in fact, it will take huge courage and determination to do that. And believe me, you can never do it alone. You see, life must go on no matter what, but at some point in life, you might just refuse to go on, you might just try to run away and close your eyes and pretend nothing is happening.

Time will never stop, other people might still going on their life like usual, and seriously, running away is not the solution to the problems. I had been trying to run away from problem since I am young, I never have the courage to face the problem but try to make myself busy, sleep all day long, or just drink the night away.

Yet, I treat life seriously and I know what I am going through right now is just another phase in life that eventually most of the people will go through. At least, I don't regret for what I had done. When I love someone, I love them with all my heart and I will let them know what I feel. Just because life got no turning back and it's just to short to make it sparks. =)

Cheers Mate!

Have you ever feel like......
Have you ever feel like want to run away from things in life?
Have you ever feel like just sleep and never wake up again?
Have you ever feel like want to get drunk?
Have you ever feel like smoking till you feel like vomiting?
Have you ever feel like nobody can understand you?
Have you ever feel like this world don't belong to u?
Have you ever feel like God is not fair?
Have you ever feel like life is a bitch?

It is just a stage in our life that we will have to live with it, even though it's hard.
You can cry your heart out, you can scream your heart out,

or.....

You can just take a step back and smile and let go, because you're doing just fine.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be better in time.

P/S: This post is dedicated to all my friends that is going through hard time right now. Be strong, we can go through this together.

The clock on the wall finally ticking to 7 in the morning, in the less 1 hour, I will be leaving Cyberjaya for my midterm break which is already started 3 days ago.

My life had been real good so far, indeed I did lived it to the fullest for the past few weeks. Recently I had been spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, going out for almost every night and that's crazy, Chelsea football tour, OC supper, Chicken Rick at 4 for few days, Cyberia Mamak Geng gathering almost every night, Financial Engineering Gays gathering and outing. You see, the reason why I do that is just because I want to treasure the moment with peers while I have the chance.

A lot of my friends including me always whining about how sucks is their secondary school life and they want to study in university as soon as possible. But the moment they stepped into the university life, they only started to realised, nothing beats secondary school, where you get to see your friends in class everyday. Then people will start complaining about their university life, rushing assignment, exams and all, they just can't wait to start working, but yet many of them only realised university could be the best time of their life, where can hang out with friends and party like crazy. My point is, why don't people just appreciate and treasure the time they are having now? We only live once and make sure we live to the fullest.

Yet, in this few weeks time, I can't stop asking myself, what do I want to achieve in my life? Where did I go right? Yet, I can't seems to find an answer.

I went to Malaysian Student Leaders Summit 2008 recently organised by UKEC with Chee Wei last weekend and it really been an wonderful experience for me. Meeting people from different university around the world, talking to the big companies about fresh graduates career opportunity had been awesome. At least I get to know what I need to achieve and who I am competing with to enter those big companies.

We traveled from by bus and trains to get the the Nikko Hotel during these 2 days. We can't stop talking about how awful our life will be after we start to work. Wearing formal clothes, waiting for trains, listen to mp3, stuck in traffic jams, apparently we are not even ready for this kind of life yet. I had ask one question to the managing director of Westports, after we work we will only earning linear income, but what we can do to exit from the race rat and achieve financial freedom? But he answered my question this way, "first you must ask yourself what type of career in your life, if you have the PASSION to do it, eventually you will success and you can create your own wealth." I agreed with his answer, but I am not happy with it.

Chee Wei and me bought a bottol of red wine each after the conference and we started drinking the park in front of KLCC. We talked a lot that night, mostly about current life and life that awaits us. It's awesome night, we even managed to help the blind men to cross the road while we are half sober. lol.

What is life? There is no exact answer to this question as everyone has their own definition. It depends what you want to do and what you expect to achieve in your life. So, just be patience with your life now, have fun with it and there is no point of rushing, eventually you will get to figure it out one day.

Till then, I wish you all have a wonderful midterm break and make sure it's a good one.

Dear OCs,

It had been a long time since we are gathered for the OC supper. I miss all of you so much, indeed very much. I am so used to see all of you, talking, joking, dancing and singing together as it there is no tomorrow. I feel my life is so empty right now, when I am doing nothing at home. What I can do is browse through the picture and refresh those beautiful memories.

How's your passion going on right now? Do you still have the passion running in you? Do you still remember those passionate moment we had together? I know everyone had been busy with your personal life right now, be it studies, class, student's activities or relationship. But, do not let the passion inner you go away, because it's the foundation of our friendship.

Failure is bitter. Failure is painful. Failure is cruel.

But yet, how do you define failure? Bad results? Broken relationship? Low pay job? Or just simply not doing good enough?

You don't need a person to tell you that you are a failure. I believe when you constantly can't achieve what you aiming in life, you will self-appointed yourself as a "failure". We will continue to be a failure, until you reach one point in your life, you will tell yourself, "Man, I can't be like this anymore. I don't wanna to screw up my whole life. Enough is enough!!"

However but saying just that is not enough, you need determination which is not easy. Maybe along the way to change, you will repeat the same mistake. You will tell yourself, why you want to torture yourself. Then you will be the oldself, continue to be a failure. Don't give up, stay on to it, with faith inside yourself, with the support from friends and family, you can eventually success and turnover a new leaf.

I went back home last week, when my dad fetched my back home, he said, " Today go here and there, petrol already cost RM30, dunno today got earn that much or not..." I know he's working very hard for the family, I feel bad because I never try that hard. That's why I want to change, to be someone that he will be proud of...

I am going through a very hard time in my life now, sometimes I am very depress and I feel like giving up. But thanks to those who had been supporting me, with passion in my heart and the love from you all, everything will be fine. I hope.

When there is a will, there is a way. So, if you are reading this, let's hope for the best. Wish you all will achieve what you want in life.

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take its the moments that take your breath away." This is one of my favorite quote that inspire me throughout my life.

I am not a big fan of "life" before this, I never really enjoy my life, therefore I never learn to appreciate people around us. Till something happened in my life, then I only realised how naive and stupid I was before. Yet, regrets bring nothing, but only sorrow and sadness. Mistake plays important role in life, it will help you to become a better person. No matter how big was the mistake, do not ever hate your past, because of what you had gone through, you are better person that before.

Before this, I am a person that so passionate about my life. However, people tends to forget who they are and take the wrong path in life. And I was one of them. But thanks to Orientation, it help me to recall who I am and who I was before. I stopped being so obsess with "Dota" where I spend 19 hours of my day playing it. I stopped smoking. Thanks to all passionate OCs, without you all, I won't able to find myself back.

Right now, I just want to live my life to the fullest. Yesterday was totally awesome. From supper end up in the Port Dickson. Sharing and listening by the seaside, with the accompany of moonlight and the sea waves, not to forget the guitar sound and laughters of everyone. Glad that you guys able to make it. Thanks to Alvin, Ken, and Chui Chui. Without you guys driving, yesterday might just be a dream. To those who came, let the passion continue to live in your heart, most importantly, share the passion with people around you!~

The art of life is to live in the present moment, and to make that moment as perfect as we can by the realization that we are the instruments and expression of God Himself.

How many times you speak what you actually feel?
How many times you actually do what you should do?
But....
How many times you say something that you don't mean to say it?
How many times you do something that you shouldn't do at all?

Life is too short for all this craps.

Be true to yourself and others. You actually will see and feel more that anyone else. Nothing beats the feeling sitting with friends talking and sharing as it there is no tomorrow. Nothing is gonna take away the moment of truth, the moment of happiness.

If you haven't try to do this, you probably should wanna start now.

p/s: Old town haven't been so nice as it is. Passion will continue to live in you, as long it comes from our heart.

It had been a long time I didn't write anything here. I just finished being an OC for the MMU Orientation Program for 2008/2009 and it had already became the best time of my life. Through this orientation, I truly benefit a lot from this event. There are a lot of joys and tears throughout this orientation, the feeling of this is indescribable , when 74 OCs shared the love and passion together without differentiation, discrimination of races and religion.

From a stranger to become friend, the feeling is truly awesome. The one week binding camp really bond us together as one. The passion that live inside my heart really helped me to go through all this, even though when I am tired or sicked. I will not forget the moment we all stood up and defended the passion inside us, the moment we spoke out loud the what passion really meant to us. I will never forget the moment we are having tons of fun during the water surprise and even the moment we shared the story of our life without actually care what others will think about us. The moment the tears dropped when we hug each other so tight and told them what we felt towards them. Nothing, nothing is gonna take that away from me.

We all know that nobody is perfect and nobody do no mistake. During the orientation, we really felt this and we try to improve ourself and learn from mistakes. We might not really confident with what we are doing, but everyone showed the effort and guided each each other to go through this. We managed to show the meaning of passion to the freshies. My tears almost come out when everyone shouted "passion!!!" together, because we been through a long long way to achieve this. The moment the music starts playing, we will stand on our feet and dance like crazy, sing like crazy, as it there is no tomorrow. Numa numa, butterfly, 16 steps, Permata Dunia, Those Were The Day, Freshie's song really brought a lot of fun for us, what will Orientation be without all this?

A big thank you and hug to everyone involved in this, thanks to you all for making this event possible. To those supportive friends (you know who you are), the moment shared with you is totally amazing. What can I can say now, why it ended so fast? The end of this orientation is the beginning and the blossom of new friendship, where we called it the beginning of the end. Please, please let the passion continue to live inside us, please let think of what we had been through when you are facing problem, shout the passion out loud and you shall be fine or even feel awesome.

Once and OC, always an OC. Continue to live on your life with passion, no matter what you are doing, it will drive you towards the destination of this journey of life. There are no mountain to high to climb, there are no sea too deep to explore. I shall end it here.

May the passion burn in our heart. Thank you for everything and we should totally hang out more.

Love,
OC Steve

Call life is cruel. Because it never give you second chance. I don't know who create the phrase "second chance", if I know him, I would had told him not to create the term that is not going to happen in life, I would had told him not to create something will mislead people in life. There is a reason why I said so, read on if this topic interested you.

Because of the term "second chance", some people did the wrong thing in life. They killed people, they took drugs, they speed, they betrayed friends and they thought they actually could get a second chance. What a naive human being. They didn't know second chance is not as good as the first chance where they going to make the decision. They didn't know second chance come with price. Let me illustrate this situation with a simple example. "Anthony decided to take drugs after persuaded by this friends. He never know he will get caught and when he knew, it's too late. So he begged for a second chance. He got it, but people still see him as a bad person who took drugs before. So, he failed to do what he desire in life, but he never take drugs anymore in his life." You have a choice to make here, call it a second chance, or accept the fact there is no second chance.

" Those who not appreciate life is not deserved a life."
This is the ideology that make "Saw 3" got the first place in the US boxoffice movie last week, maybe this coming few weeks. This story is about how the "Jigsaw" catch those people who is not appreciate their life and give them a second chance to live their life again by making a choice, maybe losing an eye, or hand, or kill a person. Call it a second chance, or call it a game that is not fair. Not a fair game because they let you live, but you have to lose an eyes, a hand, leg, etc. Call it a second chance, because only by making you losing something then only you will realise how important life is. I love this movie personally because I think this movie educated people how to appreciate life although in a cruel way and this movie made the point that second chance comes with price.

Live your life like there is no existence of second chance. Live your life to the fullest and you will have nothing to regret for the rest of your life. Life, ultimately, the best gift from God.

p/s: This post is to all who wish to live a new life, who wish to have a turning point in life. And to myself, a reminder to self to appreciate life.

"Waltzing Through Time" is the theme of the prom night that I helped to organised before this. I like this theme, it's just so beautiful, dancing slowly through the time, thing that we always hope we can do in life.

Currently I am waltzing through time, I am in Malacca now. It's good to be back here, I feel like coming home. I feel like this is where I should belong. I came here to study with Sara, meanwhile to refresh the memory when I did my foundation here. Nothing much changed here, people here are still friendly like usual, no much changes to the building here, expect the Ixora apartment already occupied with people and I saw some new faces of June intake freshies.

I miss the food here. I miss studying here in the nice library. I miss hanging out with friends nearby the Southern Fried Chicken. And I miss some of my friend here. Not to forget to mention, Abg Amin from Soul Grift. I miss his voice, and I am listening to the George Michael album that I bought just now. No doubt, abg Amin voice is definately sound better than George Michael when he sang the Careless Whisper. Hope he is fine with his new destiny.

I used to say this, "No matter how far you go, no matter how high you climb; however never never forget where you belong." Because in case you lost yourself, you can back to the place that reminds you who are. I never know I lost myself so bad until I stepped into this old place. I remember how talkative I was, how motivated I was. I lost my spirit, I lost my determination. I am glad I came, I am glad I found back myself. But it doesn't mean I don't like changes, just that I think I would be a better person if I am the old Steve.

Finding the balance point is crucial in life. Whether it's between studies and entertainment; family and friends; career and family or love and hate. Finding the balance point will help you success in life, without have to neglect both parties. Sometimes, giving too much is not always good things to do. You have to balance up. Remember this, give and take, give and take.

I gotta end here. Let me continue to waltz, through the time...